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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 7, Episode 8
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the eighth episode of the seventh series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'SW' – Seann Walsh *'FM' – Fred MacAulay Topics Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear At Work *'SW:' Oh! Oh you've already given Michael his dosage... (squints his eyes and puts his teeth on his lower lip) *'FB:' It's not a photocopier, it's a shredder, and what've you done to your arse? *'RH:' (Mancunian accent) So, you probably want to know how I got the nickname "Dog Botherer". *'AP:' Imagine that! My first day at work, and I appear to have slipped on a wet floor! Hmm, I think I might be entitled to compensation! *'FB:' D'you mind if I leave early, I've got to pick up the kids.. before their parents get there. *'HD:' He's the CEO, he's the COO and I'm head of the agricultural division, the CIEIO. *'FB:' Now, I want y'all to put down those football boots that you've been sewing, because I've heard that it's somebody's very special 11th birthday and we've got you a photo of a cake! (singing to the tune of Happy Birthday) Han chawaa hoo chong waa, han chawaa hoo... *'HD:' Don't worry, this isn't the first operation I've done, last time I got always the whole way 'round before the buzzer went off. *'RH:' We've run out of semi-skimmed, so I've topped your coffee up with breast milk. *'FB:' What do you mean it's not your turn to make the coffee? This is fucking Starbucks! *'FM:' Get off, you're shit! *'HD:' Whoops! Heh heh, this air traffic control thing's not as easy as it looks! *'FB:' I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WORK IN A LIBRARY! IF ONLY I COULD READ! Unlikely Things To Hear On a Property Programme *'FB:' Next, Cash in the Attic: Tennis player Pat Cash has a nervous breakdown, and decides to haunt his estranged family. *'HD:' Today, we help Al McGarvey swap his one bedroom cell, for a Libyan'' Place In the Sun''! *'FB:' This couple's grand design, is to turn an abbatoir into an old folks' home by changing the sign. *'RH: '''I'm Sarah Beeny and I'm not pregnant. *'AP:' You can't decide between the two properties? Well, you're an MP! Why don't you claim for them both? *'SW:' *gibberish* *'FM:' The thing is, I have actually heard that in a property programme in Scotland. And remember, the prices of property can go down, as well as plummet. *'FB:' You know I said "Those ghastly beams, what on earth are they for?" It turns out, they were for holding your house up. *'RH:' ''(posh accent) Hello, I'm Laurance Llewelyn-Bowen, and I am so posh I have actually got a swan for a penis. *'HD:' Michael has always wanted to live in the country. And now he does. His business has collapsed, and he's living in a caravan in field in Herefordshire. *'FB:' Even on a collapsing market, you can still make money form a flat like this. We've invited three different estate agents to come and evaluate, then harvested their organs. *'AP:' Welcome to this episodes of Homes Under The Hammer where we attack Eamonn Holmes with a hammer. *'RH:' Next on Location, Location, Location, Kirstie and Phil finally go at it like dogs. *'SW:' And obviously this will all be included in the-- dear oh my god he's back early - QUICK, OUT OF THE GARDEN! *'HD:' Well, we've visited five properties so far, but they've all had alarms, so no joy there. *'FB:' Very spacious and with wonderful views, but this flat is in Dundee, so it might as well be built out of shit. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See